The Adventures of Wiggle Baby

It may surprise you to learn that while I’m a somewhat prolific blogger, I’m not yet so good with verbal skills. This week I carried a few conversations, in the sense that I say things and other people say things in response, and so on. So what if our syntax is different, and my language of choice comprises still-unformed babbling and cooing? At minimum that qualifies me to be a daytime talk show host or VH1 reality show contestant.

I also discovered toys – although it’s not clear if I actually recognize them, or just whack them randomly with my arms in an uncontrolled fashion. In either case it’s entertaining, so the specifics of this are irrelevant!

My sleeping schedule (or lack thereof) continues to be erratic, but I prefer to imagine this situation as a movie trailer for a thriller/suspense movie: “WILL Madeline sleep? FOR HOW LONG? WHO will be the victims of her late-night spontaneity? WHAT is the deal with The Kitty!?”

Editor’s Spoiler: Yes; 2-3 consecutive hours at best; mom (and dad if she’s really crabby); The Kitty wants cat treats, or chocolate, or bacon, or attention.

Oof eff uff oof snort squeak, oof uff arg eff squeal fidget, sigh.

My pal Echo the Bunny Man and I are here tonight to discuss a few items that are weird, or surprising, or weird and surprising.

First off, the Hiccup Monster. It creeps up on me when I hardly expect it, and then POOF! Hiccups. Most of the time I don’t mind, but sometimes that monster is one mean guy. I have tried scaring it away by crying at an extraordinary ear-piercing/gut-wrenching volume, and that works from time to time. Mostly, I try to accept my fate as a person with a consistently recurring synchronous diaphragmatic flutter. Editor’s Note: Madeline just discovered Wikipedia.

Secondly: surprises! Lots of things surprise me because I don’t know what to expect, since I basically haven’t experienced anything at all yet. Nonetheless here is a list of surprising things:

• gas (mine)
• intervals between songs
• quietness (too scary!)
• gurgling
• the cat scratching against my bed, or meowing, or pawing at the closet, or begging for treats, or demanding attention. Most commonly all of the above.
• the 10 minutes after I take a shower, when it’s cold and confusing
• laying on my stomach
• ponzi schemes

To recap other recent goings-on, I took a stroll outside for the first time with my mom. (Since Chicago is the coldest place ever, we are usually stuck inside.) We have also ventured out to various places where the Big People eat, but I sleep and/or hiccup to pass the time. I also outgrew some of my old clothes, which is fine with me, because baby likes to mix up the stylez!

Hello all you interwebbers, time for a new update! I’ve been staying remarkably busy over the last two weeks. The Big People finally got their act together and helped me with a new sleep schedule, which has worked out famously. Now I’m sleeping for longer blocks of time, and everyone seems a little less cranky – except for the cat, who (despite greatly exaggerated reports to the contrary) is neither dead nor happy about her decreased attention-getting from the Family. Hey Kitty, here’s a tip: your breath smells like cat food.

One of the benefits to my new beauty sleep regimen is that I’m wide-eyed and alert during the day, so I’m able to devote more quality time to my new hobbies. For example, I have recently taken up exercising – this photo was taken after a 10k run. Just kidding, I can’t even walk! But I can do some top-notch aerobics (yeah, OK, with admittedly significant physical assistance.) I also excel at lifting this incredibly heavy weight, which is located in the general region above my neck.

Along with my aforementioned Olympic feats of strength, I am now appreciating the finer points of facial expressions. The Big People seem to get really excited when I smile, which is encouraging and hilarious, making me smile more! My added focus has also turned me into an art-monger, as I am now really entranced by the miscellaneous junk stuck on the refrigerator, and posters, and bright things, and dark things. And bright things next to dark things.

Lastly, I’m listening to a lot of music now…As it turns out I am no fan of Pink Floyd, because every time it comes on the radio, for some reason it immediately stops playing. I guess I’m saying that Pink Floyd is terrible. But I really like the new Andrew Bird album and the Beatles! Especially fun is listening to music and bouncing.

Anyway, it’s about time to catch some Z’s, good night everyone!

P.S. you have probably noticed the new photo sidebar on my blog. It’s a little out of date, but I’m working on posting new photos soon. Unfortunately, first I have to learn to read, write, type, use a computer, and log on to the Internet, so it might take a while.

I would like to begin by pointing out that I don’t know what time is, but I hear that I am now a month old. Whatever that means! Sounds like something the Big People made up.

I visited the People in White Coats again today, and I was happy about it, even though they poked and prodded me a little. At one point I pretended to be Superbaby while the nice white coat guy held me up in the air – it was great! I also found out that I have gained a whole pound, which apparently is a good thing now, but somehow turns into a bad thing when I get older. This makes no sense. At the end of the experience someone came in and jammed a sharp thing into my leg, which was terrible! But I already forgot about it.

Otherwise I have been up to my usual antics, including but not limited to: dancing around with Big People, lifting my head into the air like an acrobat, taking naps during the day and wanting to party during the night, and riding around in a big padded cart thing at the shopping place. I started recognizing some people a little bit, like these two dudes who are always taking care of me. They seem pretty nice so far, I think.

Keep an eye out for some pictures that I am supposedly going to post on this blog thing soon. After my daily nap, of course!